Days of May ; A DES Daughter Comes to Terms...

Tuesday: October 12, 1970.
It was a cool crisp autumn day. The young girl trembled, but it was not due to the weather. It was in anticipation of the doctor's visit she knew she would be forced to endure. Her parent's had not given her a clear explanation, or gentle lead-up. It was hell the last time they had dragged her to the gynecologist's office in the old hospital building in the downtown area of Manhasset. L.I. in NY.

At the tender age of thirteen, she was informed by her parents, that her mom had taken the drug DES, which could cause health problems in her daughter. Why then had her mother been given this drug? She didn't really understand the implications. But what she did know is she would be subjected to a pelvic exam by a rough female "doctor" with long fingernails and a brusque disposition , who did nothing to quell her fears and humiliation. She had fought with all her strength and begged her parents not to force her to go for the "exam." She was still a virgin, after all, and a young developing adolescent. Kids were much more innocent back then.

The fighting did not one ounce of good. Her father literally dragged her into the car and they all drove to the hospital , where she would be held down by a nurse and once again be forced to lie on the hard exam table, feet in cold stirrups and forced to submit to an internal exam she didn't comprehend. She felt violated and betrayed by her parents. In a sense it was akin to rape. How had it come to this? This was not the first time and certainly not the last that her parents would appear to be oblivious to her feelings.

Her parents were not articulate people. They were not the the warm, fuzzy, affectionate type, ever! The girl knew if she wanted more information about this horrible experience she would need to research it on her own. She went to the school nurse, Mrs. Donovan and asked her about DES, but she wouldn't give her much information. She merely said it was to help pregnant women and she should talk to her mother about this issue.

She approached her mother again, who mumbled something about previous miscarriage, pre-natal bleeding, and premature labor. These were basically foreign concepts to the thirteen year old girl. Her parents didn't discuss the "birds and the bees," let alone complications, from complicated topics!

Many years later, her mother would scream and plead with her. What would you have done? I was afraid I would loose you! That's why I took DES.

The doctors and pharmaceutical companies claim they didn't know there was anything wrong with DES, and if they did, they certainly didn't share this knowledge with their female patients! This of course, was way before the days of the Internet and Instant Information. (These days , Google is like a great Teacher and Parent rolled into one.) You ask a question, you want information and Flash it is there!

The girl sat in the sterile consulting room and couldn't face the "doctor," let alone ask any embarrasing questions. The extreme mistrust and anger against her parents and the medical establishment began that year.

She would learn years later that the drug DES was administered to women with diabetes, and a history of infertility as well. Additionally, some pre-natal vitamins contained DES and were prescribed , even if there were no problems in those pregnancies. What a travesty! Why had these women and their unborn children become victims to the medical establishment? Why didn't women question their doctors thoroughly before allowing them to prescribe harmful drugs and perform unnecessary and health-threatening procedures? Years later , the girl as a young woman, learned that DES daughters were prone to Preclampsia, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, pregnancy complications and infertility. She was a DES daughter!

The girl was angered and upset by this experience and how her parents treated her, in general. They didn't seem to recognize that she had feelings and desires of her own. They seemed to think she was merely an extension of them, and would do what they told her to, just because they said so! No explanations. No rationalizations! She couldn't understand why certain individuals had families when they didn't seem to want them. The most ill-equipped people could become parents...no questions asked. They should be given a Parent's Exam, like one is given a Road test, before they can get a license to drive!

In addition, to getting more information about DES, the girl starting writing letters to the Ann Landers Column, a reader's editorial section in LI Newsday. This, she felt was a great way to get answers and validate her feelings. She could be discreet and didn't have to sign her name. The responses she began to see, were more direct, and obviously less biased than anything her parents could tell her. More than once she wanted to run away from home, but really, where would she go. Her grandparents for the most part were gone. There was one grandmother, but she was a crazy gypsy -type who travelled the world, married four times, and really didn't have much time or interest in her family.

After, the first initial visits to the Gynecolgist were over , they started to cease. It seemed the health of the girl was not as extremely affected as they initially thought it would be. Thankfully, she didn't have to go as often. But she still couldn't forget her parent's callous treatment, and why they were the way they were, in general. Cold and distant, always fighting. Difficult getting them to understand her point of view. She wanted more information about their past , to see what made them tick, and to attempt to put some kind of positive spin on it all. She wanted to know where she came from, her family's genealogy, and what it was like when her parent's were growing up. And of course, she wanted to keep updated on DES news.

I intend to follow up this discourse on DES, but also to explore 1930's Brooklyn, where my parents grew up and what their lives were like as newly arrived immigrants living in the Tenements on the lower east side and in Brooklyn.

A site I like is: DES Action: Info. for DES Daughters.